“Place it down, you’re going to tire yourself.”

“I can handle this, it’s not too much work.”

Jay took the dirty plates from Daeun and shook his head, “I don’t want to risk it.”

Baffled with the unusual view before her, Eunae weaved her brows together as she quietly scrolled down her contacts. Jay had always been protective towards Daeun, but it was too bizarre to see him become way overprotective overnight.

“Babe, it’s fine, I’ll do the dishes.”

Shrugging, Eunae continued to scroll down her contacts before sending a text message. She had to move the family dinner since Daeun did not seem to have any plans on leaving any time soon.

It would be too much work to push through with the simple gathering when Jay would most likely cancel it if he were too preoccupied with his mistress. She would just be wasting her time on nothing.

Swiftly glancing on how he gently caressed her back, Eunae could not help but wonder if they somehow fucked way too much last evening that Daeun could barely wash the dishes. He even followed her to the kitchen and acted as if he was going to carry her in his arms.

“I don’t want you to tire yourself, it’s not good for the baby,” was the words that struck her immobile.

Her phone immediately crashed to the floor, gaining their attention. In a blink, tears brimmed her eyes as her throat painfully throbbed with the mere act of taking a breath.

“Oh, hi, didn’t know you’re there,” Daeun acknowledged her presence with a chirp.

However, Eunae brushed off her greeting, focusing her eyes solely on Jay, who looked shocked before returning with his stoic face, seemingly recovering.

“She’s pregnant?” Eunae asked with a shaky voice, striding towards Jay with urgency. “Are you the father?”

“Who do you think has been fucking her every night?” Jay roared as he shot her down with a slithering gaze—one that she barely noticed as everything just seem to whirl around.

“Babe, stop it!”

“No, I won’t let this manipulative bitch disrespect you like this!”

And just then, a loud ‘pack’ echoed, finding her palm harshly meeting Jay’s cheek.

Her lips trembling uncontrollably, and her lungs seemingly knocked that was she helplessly out of breath. She looked at him, whose face was snapped to the side, remaining the way it was when she slapped him.

Her unwavering gaze studied as to how his eyes glimmered with disbelief, then into a seemingly demonic glare before completely disappearing into a soft gentle look as he finally averted his gaze to stare back at her.

Eunae knew those eyes.

They belonged to the once comrade who stood by her when no one would; those were of his best friend’s—to the Jay whom she knew from before—to the man whom she had always loved.

“How could you even do this to me!” She yelled hoarsely, “Have I not suffered enough?”

Eunae hit his chest tirelessly as the tears finally poured out from her eyes. Her voice turning terribly hoarse that every word she spoke painfully scrapped her throat unbearably.

“Tell me, why! Why would even do this to me!”

After two whole years of keeping it to herself, she had finally allowed him to see how broken she had been; how beaten up and close to giving up she was, that nothing ever seemed to matter any longer.

This was the very first time she had ever cried in front of him once again. The very first time she allowed him to break through her mask and witness she had been nothing but a pitiful fool for even staying with him.

“Why!”

Continuously hitting his chest as her sobs began to silence her words, her body shook relentlessly as the pain pressed in waves. She could barely feel the throbbing of her hands as the unending piercing glass shards that tore her heart apart could not just compare.

It felt horrible. It was almost as if she was literally dying from within.

Eunae could not take it—she could not take how he could he even do this to her.

It pained her more knowing how his mistress would get to live one of her dreams of having a child—having a head start to have a family of their own, while she had been nothing but someone to warm up his bed and be disposed like a filthy trash after.

There were times when Jay would still fuck her from time to time, but he had been very careful not to knock her up—one thing she had always thought he also did for Daeun, but turned out that it was not the case.

The thought of Jay deliberately getting Daeun pregnant drew nails that gored her skin. It was a slap in the face that he wanted to start a family with her—something Eunae could never possibly have with him, even to beg of him in her dreams.

Eunae knew she could no longer take it—she had to run away. She really had to flee from the pain; she had to leave the place of a hell hole as soon as she could. And making up her mind, she finally did.

Picking up the almost shattered phone on the floor, she bolted upstairs and grabbed her car keys and wallet.

In a blink, she raced to the door, jumped to her car, and left the hell hole she had been stuck in—leaving the cause of pain that already seeped into her soul—leaving the people who had been continuously hurting her without feeling any remorse—and finally, leaving the man whom she had loved the most.

Eunae sped up her car with extremely blurry eyes and shaking hands as she fled the heavily illuminated city.

She drove mile after mile and passed pavements after pavements until the sun finally decided to go down. She drove until there was still a path to pass on—until she found herself in a secluded beach, which she ended up staying in.

Booking a hotel room, she threw everything she had onto the bed before sinking to the floor and breaking down, alone.

As the sun left the horizon and the moon and the stars stole its rightful place, Eunae found herself still crouched in the corner of the dark hotel room without any food in her stomach.

Her mind racing with the miserable events that took place in her life; her heart falling into irreparable pieces remembering the news she received earlier on that stabbed her like a knife; and her throat closing in with the lump of breath caught up within.

She basked in pain as she berated herself with multitudinous questions about the choices she had made; actions she had done; opportunities she did not take; feelings she had suppressed, and rights she had thrown out the window as self-doubt began to consume her whole.

Eunae could not help but ask.

Was this how love meant?

To give everything you have until you have nothing left within you? To lose yourself somewhere along the process and reach a point where you could never return?

Was it supposed to take away everything from you and leave you with nothing, but being broken with a questionable self-worth?

Did love intend to break all your principles?

To have you turn your back from everything you believed in? To make you feel numb and be dumb enough to pay no heed to every hurt that came along with it?

Was turning a blind eye against all the atrocities done against you; closing your ears from all the spiteful sounds that certainly break you little by little and successfully kill you, all bits and parcels of love?

Were all these parts of love? —of loving?

Was love supposed to hurt you?

To let you bask in pain as agony seeped into your bones, in every single cavity there was in your body? To make you feel worthless, unwanted, and not enough?

Did it have to make you sleep with your eyes open as your endless nightmares, insecurities, and anxieties haunt you?

Was it supposed to make you beat yourself up every single day the sun decided to rise?

Was it all supposed to be like this?

To be dishonest even with yourself and live a life full of lies? To suppress every other emotion rising in your heart in front of the person you hold very dear, and make a fool out of yourself?

To take every bruising blow to your ego, to your self-esteem, to your self-preservation, to your heart, but still bring yourself to plaster a smile?

Was it supposed to make you wear a mask and deceive the people around you that everything was okay, that you were okay?

Did you have to stay put and let the immense burning of your throat, the sweating of your eyes, and the breaking of your heart beat you up and ultimately kill you?

Was this what it really meant?

That love was all but unending suffering, desolation, heartache, and grief?

Was pain, perhaps, love all along?

As these questions swirled in her head, Eunae took a deep breath, and right there and then, allowed the impending tears she had been holding back to spill out from the corner of her eyes.

Like a dam that broke its walls, teardrops ran and dampened her cheeks. Her body shaking uncontrollably as loud sobs escaped her lips, making it harder for her to breathe.

After all these years, everything she had been hiding down all the way closeted to the pits of her heart exploded all at once. She felt her throat burn and her stomach twinge horrendously with the constant flashbacks playing in her head. She wanted to let loose of everything holding her back.

She wanted to disappear; to run away; to forget.

She wanted to leave this place—everything—and everyone.

Eunae brought her knees to her chest and hugged them as if they were her lifeline—as if they were comrades, she wished she had. She had no one else to go to; no one to suffer with; she was alone, always had been.

The thought of how ridiculous and cunning love was made her smile bitterly. Her soul swearing not to ever love nor to be loved if all it meant was having to suffer everything she had gone through—to be stuck in a living hell.

Eventually, Eunae found herself lying on her side and sprawled on the ground. Her knees brought to her chest like a fearful child, her hair tangled in a mess, her lips quivering, and her head painfully pounding.

She stayed in that position until darkness eventually swallowed her whole. Until sleep took her in its arms, saving her from everything that had been endlessly haunting and hurting her.

And for a moment, she felt alive.