"Don't start a fight. It's not worth it." I told Elliot as I reached out to grab his arm and he glanced over at me.

"If he doesn't get a beating then he just won't stop," Elliot said.

"And that makes you better than him?" I was a bit annoyed at his response.

"Yeah, go with your girlfriend. I heard that he enjoys it from his other school. Must be why you keep him around." David said loudly I felt people turning to stare at us now.

I paused as I looked and I instantly put my head down feeling suddenly exposed. Elliot turned around to David as he shook out his arms from my hold and I couldn't bring myself to stop him. Who told this to David? It was a lie, but what he said also felt like he knew more about me and I don't know where he heard a story like that. I was frozen and I must have blanked out because the next thing I know the teachers were trying to separate David and Elliot as they were beginning to fight with each other. Elliot had his nose bleeding and David's shirt was a mess as if Elliot had knocked him to the ground with scrapings on his arms.

I took a step back away from them and I couldn't breathe because I'm starting to panic. Who told him this? Was that why he was bullying me? My thoughts were all over the place and I started to feel a bit faint. Elliot was now trying to talk to me, but I couldn't understand what he was saying and everything around me was starting to blur. I must have fainted. First I was trying to understand what Elliot was saying to me after the fight with David and I'm now opening my eyes having the light from the window shining on my face from the nurse's office. I slowly looked around and saw Elliot sitting beside me looking at his phone before he noticed that I woke up.

"Hey, you're finally awake," he said as he put his phone down.

"What happened?" I mumbled.

"You fainted. I brought you here to the nurse's office. They said you'll be okay after some rest, but to be careful for the next few hours in case you have some dizzy spells since you almost hit your head. One of the teachers was able to grab you as you were falling, but we weren't sure if you hit your head." he said. "Are you hurt anywhere?"

I slowly sat up and shook my head, "I'm fine." I said in a small voice. "Can I go home?"

"Yeah, I promised that I would take you home. I told your mom and she was worried, but I told her that she didn't have to come by," he said as he helped me get out of bed.

"You told my mom?"

"No, the school did, but I had the chance to talk to her on the phone before hanging up on her." He said.

I noticed there was a bloodstain on his shirt from the nose bleed he had and his cheeks were a bit swollen.

"I told you to not fight," I told him.

"Sorry. I just got really mad at what he was saying and you just let yourself follow beside him." He said as we started walking out of the office.

I was walking slowly, I still felt a little weak, and when we finally walked outside I turned to him. "What was I supposed to say?"

"Obviously to shut his mouth," he said as he walked over to his car.

"It's not that easy. This is why I was mad. I just don't want to get involved and deal with all this again." I told him as I got in the car. "Did you get in trouble?"

"Kind of. David got called in the principal office and since my couch was there, he benched me for the game on Friday," he said as he started driving towards my house.

"That's why I told you to not get involved. Why can't you get that I don't want you to get involved? You don't get that there's always a consequence." I tell him, feeling frustrated.

"There doesn't have to be. Not always," he said as he pulls up to my place.

"But there is. This is why I said I didn't want us to hang out for a while." I said as I got out of the car.

"Okay, but I don't." He said as he parked the car and got off the car so he could face me.

"I do."

"For what? Why do you suddenly want space?" he asked.

"Because I like you!" I shouted. "I like you and it's making me confused. You don't like guys and I respect that, but I can't help how I'm feeling. I like it when you come by; I like how you always know when I'm feeling down or check on me; I never feel alone when I'm with you." I tell him as I face the floor feeling embarrassed to look at him. "And I don't want you to go out with Jennifer."

Elliot didn't say anything and I took this chance to turn away as I believe I just told him all that.

"Michael," Elliot called me as he followed.

"Please, don't. I'm not going to school tomorrow and I probably won't see you at your game... Don't overthink it too if I don't text you back or anything. I'll also get over my feelings towards you so don't worry about me." I said without turning back to him. "But you should still get this. I was bullied before. I know how it gets and I'm not trying to start anything again. You don't get how horrible that feels to deal with."

When he didn't respond I took this chance to continue walking and went inside the house before he could try to stop me again. I leaned against the door and sighed heavily as I tried not to think about what I just said. Once I calmed down, I walked over to my bed and laid down feeling tired and I wasn't too sure if I should fall asleep. I was about to close my eyes when I heard the front door open then my mom stepped into my room. For a second I wanted to pretend to sleep, but I moved to sit up and she had that worried expression.

"Are you okay?" she asked as she sat down beside me.

"Yeah. What did they tell you?" I asked.

"That some kid was bullying you and you fainted. Your friend Elliot was also in a fight," she said and reached out to brush my hair. "Hun, do you think maybe it's better to be homeschooled instead of attending public school? I've never felt so worried about you going to school like this before. None of this ever happened at your last school."

I wasn't too sure how to answer her and I paused before I turned to her, "I don't know. Mom, what should I do?" I said. "I told Elliot that I like him."

She was taken by surprise at the new topic and she stuttered for a second, "I...I didn't know... I didn't know that he is-"

"He's not," I said and leaned back against the headboard. "I told him that I like him and I don't know what to do... I mean, of course, I'm not expecting anything because he's straight, but I shouldn't even think about him like that. Not right now with all this going on."

"Well, I agree with that. I actually wouldn't want you to be seeing someone until things are more settled. Not in the state that you are in..." she said, carefully, hoping her words wouldn't offend me.

I glanced over at her and nod, "I know, but I don't think me leaving school will help either." I said as I looked down at my covers. "Mom, can I go over to dad's this weekend instead of next week?"

"Are you sure?" she asked, surprised.

"Yeah... I think I want to be away for a bit." I said. "I don't think I can face Elliot right away after what I told him and I want to think about what I will do with school."

She didn't answer right away, "Let me talk with your dad and see if he's fine with it." she answered.

"Okay," I said.

"Well, I'm going to make dinner... Are you hungry?" she asked as she brushed her hand over my cheeks. "You look a little pale."

"I... I'm not too hungry, but I'll eat." I answered her as I reached for her hand to hold. "I love you, mom."

"I love you too, hun," she said as she gave me a small smile then made her way out of my room.

I reached over to my phone and turned it off hoping that Elliot would leave me alone for today. It might have been wrong of me to just drop that on him, but if I wanted to get over him I had to tell him and also give myself space from him. I still couldn't believe that he got in a fight with David after what I told him and after what he caused. I sighed as I lied down again and tried not to think about it or about anything that happened. I tried to talk with my mom to help pass the time and to just help her feel at ease about what happened today. The topic did come up again while we were eating, but then it ended the same where my mom promised to talk with my dad again, and soon after I went to bed.

I woke up around four in the morning and I couldn't go back to sleep afterward so I turned on my phone only to receive one message. I checked it to see that it was from Elliot and as I opened it I saw that it was just a simple, 'Good Night'. I wasn't too sure why he messaged me when I told him not to. I set my phone down and turned to lay on my side as I look at the wall trying to figure out what I'm going to do. Maybe homeschool wouldn't be so bad, but I wanted to go to a public school to feel like I was normal again. How does it even feel to be normal? I was never normal, to begin with. I sat up as I thought about these things and I felt the house was silent since it's so early in the morning that my mom hasn't woken up yet. Why couldn't life just stop and stay still like this?

I slowly got up and walked over to the restroom to look at myself in the mirror just staring at myself then I turned away. After using the restroom, I heard my mom finally getting up and moving around in the kitchen so I stepped outside to the hallway. I quietly made my way to her room going to her restroom then went through her cabinet until I found the little bottle. I opened it to grab a few pills then slowly made my way to the hallway. I put the pills in my pocket before going to the living room to see my mom cooking in the kitchen and making herself a cup of coffee.

She turned to see me standing there and smiled, "Sorry, did I wake you?" she asked.

I shook my head, "No, I just wanted to see you before you went to work." I said and walked over to hug her. "I'll see you later."

She hugs me back, "You clean up the house. I'll call the school and tell them you're not going, but we still need to discuss what to do afterward."

I nod as I started to make my way back to my room. "Bye, mom,"

I closed the door once I was inside my room and pulled out the pills from my pocket. I took one and put the rest inside my dresser in a little bag that I had. I only had to wait a couple of minutes for the pill to work which would help me sleep and I laid down on my bed again hoping for it to work. I probably didn't have to hide that I took the pills but with everything going on it'll help me fall asleep easily next time. I reached for my phone and yawned as I decided to text back to Elliot, but I made it short as well.

'Good morning.' I sent him then I put my phone down as I began to feel drowsy and I knocked out.

By the time I woke up, my room was dark and my throat was dry. I took my time to get up and walked over to the kitchen to grab a cup of water. It was barely three in the afternoon and I slept for almost nine hours. I almost forgot how strong my pills can be, but then again I also haven't been eating much so maybe that's why it affects me more. I put the empty cup in the sink then made my way back to my room to check my phone again. There was a message from my dad letting me know that it was fine for me to come over and another message from my mom checking in on me then there was another message from Elliot. I hesitated to read it, but all he asked was how I am doing. I wasn't too sure if I wanted to text back, but I did. I put my phone down after the reply and closed my eyes as I tried to fall asleep which wasn't so hard then later I was woken up by my mom after she came home from work. I got up and checked myself in the restroom before going to see her.

"Hey, mom."

"Did you just wake up?" she asked, turning to me as she moved to put her bag down by the door.

"I just had a nap," I said.

"So tomorrow your dad is going to pick you up, but he said for Saturday he has to go to work all day. I hope you don't mind that and he'll bring you back home Sunday evening," she said.

"I don't mind," I said as I went to grab a cup of water.

"Are you hungry?" she asked.

"No."

My mom was going to say something when I heard my phone ring from my room and I excused myself to go check. I sighed as I saw that it was Elliot calling and I wasn't sure what to do. I was about to ignore it, but I ended up answering.

"Hello?"

"Hey, what are you doing?" he asked.

"Um, nothing... Homework." I lied as I sat down on my bed. "What do you want?"

"To talk."

"About?" I asked. "I wasn't expecting you to call me."

"I know, but it's kind of not fair that you said all that without hearing what I have to say," he said.

"What is there to say? You don't have any interest in guys and I should also get over you as well."

"I know... I think I'm just a bit confused," he said. "Can I see you?"

"No," I answered quickly.

"Please."

I sighed, "And if you come?"I asked.

"I just want us to talk."

I thought about it for a bit before I decided how to answer and I pressed my lips together, "Fine."

I stepped out of my room to inform my mom about Elliot coming over and I decided to clean myself up then cleaned my room. I sighed as I tried not to overthink what he would want to say or the possibility that maybe he wanted to end our friendship because I confessed to him. I stared out the window for a long minute, thinking, before I shook my head and just waited to see what he would say. He came over in ten minutes and was knocking at the door to my room. There was an awkward silence as we both sat on my bed when I let him in and I decided to just hear him out.

"So...." I say as I try to break the silence.

"I don't know how to explain it." He said as he glanced over at me. "I never had a guy confess to me before so I'm not too sure how to feel about it."

I stared at him for a second before turning away, "What is there to feel? You said that you are straight. I still think I might be confused about your kindness only because I haven't met someone like you before..."

"I can understand. I also never thought about being in a relationship with a guy and I was surprised when you said all that to me," he said.

I paused for a second as I tried to figure out what to say, "Are you saying that you are considering my feelings?" I asked.

He didn't answer right away and was looking down at my bedsheets. "I don't know," he answered.

There was another silence and I was just in complete shock before I turned to him. "I didn't say that to confuse you," I said.

"No, I know," he said, shaking his head.

He was quiet again as I looked at him trying to think of the words I want to say but he cut my off first, "I don't want there to be a distance between each other and I sound stupid saying this, but I always worry about you. Not in a bad way, but like I'm always curious if you're okay; if you're dealing with something difficult. I want to be there with you." he said and I can see his face turning red.

I blushed too as I never been told this before and I wasn't sure how to respond.

"I just want to say that I'm considering your feelings... I just don't know how to give you a response..." he said.

"I didn't expect a response," I said and I slowly turned to him. "I also don't want you to pressure yourself because I said that I like you. I also don't want to overthink my feelings because you've honestly been the nicest person that I've met in such a long time and I only think I feel this way just because you've said a few kind words that I didn't think I needed to hear."

Elliot didn't say anything so I continued, "But, I do like you and I was okay with us just being friends. I didn't realize that I had feelings for you until I said them but I know I should forget about how I feel."

Elliot was still quiet until he turned to me again, "Can you?" he asked. "Have you forgotten about your feelings towards Chris?"

I paused for a second, "I don't think I can change my feelings towards him because he had meant so much to me before things went bad, but I can't forgive him for what he did as well. I can't bring myself to go out with a guy like him or even him himself." I said. "That's why I want to forget how I feel towards you because he was kind to me like you are now and he slowly changed to someone I don't know. I guess I'm also afraid that you could change as he did."

"I'm nothing like him. I don't want to be compared to him. I think I know my right to wrong and I would never hurt someone like that," he said. "Not even when it's someone I love."

"You fighting David and going to him behind my back is something that I didn't expect from you," I said. "I felt betrayed because for a second I wasn't too sure if I can tell you these personal things anymore and I've never seen you hit someone before."

"I only did that because I saw him bullying you and I was trying to help you," he said.

"And I was trying to deal with it." I cut him off. "I have to deal with it."

"Not on your own."

"That's how it's always been," I said and I almost raised my voice. "I never asked for your help like beating up my bully."

We both stayed quiet and I wasn't too sure where the conversation is going now. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up when he said that he will consider my feelings and he also doesn't know how to feel towards me. I could never force him to understand my feelings and I didn't mean to confuse him as well. I probably should have kept quiet and not realized my feelings for him. I'm not even sure when I started liking him... It was before hearing Jennifer wanting to go to prom with him, I think.

Elliot sighed and that made me turn to him, "I'm sorry..." he said quietly. "I know I shouldn't have done that, but I didn't know what else to do and I was also really mad that he was bugging you."

"All I said was that he was making me feel uncomfortable. He started approaching me more after you talked to him and that made it worse because that got me injured." I told him. "My mom wants to have me homeschooled now and I'm considering it."

"Don't."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't think it'll be healthy for you. Being locked up in your house, hiding from everything and everyone," he said. "Don't you think it'll just convert you? I've seen you changed since you first started school."

I tried not to get annoyed at his response and I did think about it. "I wasn't that bad in my old school... Being somewhere new was what made me nervous and that's what made me revert to my episodes... Things had calmed down for me before I moved here because I was able to adjust and I just don't know how to feel about all that's been happening because it's a lot of different changes that I never expected."

Elliot took a deep breath and I think we're both becoming overwhelmed with the conversation that we both weren't sure how to continue it without getting angry at each other.

"I want to be able to do things myself, protect myself and try not to depend on other people to fight my battles for me because if I can't do it then that makes me feel worthless," I tell him as I look down. "I'm tired of feeling like that and how it eats away at me. Aren't you worried about being with someone who can't be dependent? Wouldn't that annoy you?" I asked him.

"I don't think so... It'll be new for me to care about someone as special as that, but if it's someone that I love then why should that be a burden for me?" he said. "It's me taking care of someone that I care about and I think I wouldn't mind having to go through that with that person because these are challenges that we both should go through together."

I sat there quietly as I didn't know how to respond to that. What can I say about it besides wishing that there can be a person who can deal with my disorder and not grow frustrated with me?

"There is no cure. I can see a therapist or take whatever medicine that they want to give me, but I will always have my episodes and have my depressing moments." I tell him. "I'll always have my good days and bad days."

He nods, "I know."

I stared at him, "Then whatever it is... Us... We'll just let it be as you figure out what your feelings are towards me and I'm not going to pressure you about it because I can't do that to you." I said. "As I said, we can just be friends if that's how you feel towards me in the end."

"And we'll still be honest with each other and not put distance between each other like that again?" he asked. "I won't do things without telling you again and I don't like to fight either. It's not me, but I just got mad because I was worried about what he could do."

"Thank you. I honestly don't think I was handling it well like I wanted to, but you did step up for me and I shouldn't get mad about that. I'm sorry that I did." I said.

He nodded his head as we both stared at each other, not sure what else to say and I can tell that we're both still feeling a little tense after our conversation. So, Elliot might have feelings towards me... I let myself come to terms with this fact and I don't mind figuring it out with him on what we are together. Friends or not. Partners; lover. Acquaintance. Even if he didn't say that he likes me, it is better than him saying that he is disgusted with me for liking him. At least he's not like those kids from middle school who taunted me and pulled away because of my sexuality.

"You said we're going to your dad's for the weekend, right?" Elliot asked, breaking the silence.

I turned to him, "I am."

"Did he ever move or does he still live there?" he mumbled and I knew what he wanted to ask.

"He could still be living there," I answered, nodding. "I haven't stayed at my dad's house for a little more than a year since I was discharged, but from what I remember he never left town after knowing that I almost killed myself."

"Did he ever come by to see you while in the hospital?" he asked and add-in. "If it's okay with me asking."

"It's fine. He did, but only the first night when they allowed visitors, and I was unconscious so I don't know if he said anything or how long he stayed." I answered him. I wanted to be honest with him.

He didn't say anything, but nod and I could tell he wanted to say something so I waited until he was ready to say it.

"Don't see him," he said. "I know you won't go looking for him, but if he comes over or tries to see you don't let him; I don't want him to hurt you again."

I couldn't help but smile at his words.

"I'm being serious," he said as he tried not to smile after seeing my reaction.

"Sorry. I know." I said as I tried to hide my smile. "I won't see him. I promise. I don't want to see him."

"Good," he said and I could tell he was blushing a bit at how silly his request might have sounded.

I looked at him before turning away and took a deep breath. "Was that all you wanted to say?" I asked him, wanting to change the mood that I'm feeling right now.

"Honestly, I don't know anymore. I think I said what I wanted to say," he tells me.

"Okay."

He slowly got up, "Then I'll head out before your mom kicks me out."

"I'm sure my mom won't kick you out. She likes you." I said as I stood up as well.

He smiled as we both made our way out of my room and I walked him to the front door. My mom must have gone to bed because she wasn't in the living room anymore and we were by ourselves awkwardly standing at the front door unsure how to say good-bye to each other. I hope it doesn't become awkward after the conversation because that'll make it harder to be alone with him.

"Will you message me?"

I nod, "I will."

"Call me if anything happens?"

"Yes."

"I can even drive over to pick you up if you want to leave and your mom can't get you. I have nothing planned so it won't be a bother."

I rolled my eyes, "I will. Don't worry too much about me going over. I probably won't be leaving the house while I'm there. Dad is working Saturday and I'm going to be spending time with him just watching tv or something. His girlfriend, Lily, will be there so I won't be alone anyways."

"Okay."

"I'll see you on Monday," I said.

I closed the door as I watched him walk away and I still didn't know how to feel or react from all of this. What just happened? I didn't want to let myself overreact about the discussion we had, but it happened and I am full of emotions now. I went back to my room and I laid down as I thought about what we talked about, but I know that I could never push my feelings on him. I don't want him to feel like he has to be pressured or rush him into anything just because someone like me confessed; which I don't want to do that as well. I honestly know how confusing that can be on someone.

I laid there staring up at the ceiling knowing that I'm not going to sleep right away, but I also had slept through the day so I knew I wasn't going to be tired just yet. I reached for my phone to put to charge and I wondered about what it would be like between us after this. No, I don't want to be thinking about this all night. I sighed as I reached for my textbook deciding that it was better to occupy my mind than to dwell on my feelings. I let time pass as I studied and I wasn't too sure when I fell asleep. When I finally woke up, it was past nine and I lazily made my way to the bathroom before doing anything else. I yawned as I looked around the kitchen wondering if my mom was home, but I wasn't surprised that she had left to work. I went over to the kitchen to make myself a bowl of cereal and turned on the TV trying to distract myself.

I took some time to pack as I'm making sure that I wasn't carrying too many clothes for a weekend. I wasn't feeling nervous about seeing my dad, but I was getting nervous about going back to that town and even being in my old room. I sighed as I tried not to think about it, but I wondered if I could handle it. I reached for my phone and decided to text Elliot as I laid down on my bed once I was done packing and wondered if I should have just gone to school, but I think my mom is almost set on having me homeschooled now that I've missed school again. Would I just end up being expelled if I continue to miss more? I was about to put my phone down when it started ringing and I saw Elliot's name on the caller ID.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hey, everything's okay?"

"Yeah... I was just finishing packing my stuff." I told him then I sighed heavily. "I'm starting to get nervous about going to visit my dad."

"I thought you wanted to go?"

"I do, but now that I'm thinking about it and I'm going back to that town, seeing people that might remember me then going back to my old room," I said. "It was just a lot of things coming back to me that I haven't felt in such a long time. It has been a year since I've gone back."

"Well, if you still feel like that then maybe it'll be best to tell your dad and if you still don't feel comfortable then I'll come and pick you up."

"You don't have to do that," I said.

"Then what do you want to do?"

"I... I wanted to go because I wanted to get away from everything that was going on here. To hide for a bit, but I now realize that going back there is also a place I was trying to run away from as well." I tell him. "I ran away and now I'm getting scared because of the memories."

"Well, sooner or later you were going to see your dad." He said quietly. "Like I said if you feel uncomfortable telling your dad and hopefully he can help you out. Or just come back home if you can't handle it. There are so many things you can do instead of just dealing with that discomfort feeling."

I stayed quiet as I thought about it.

"Michael."

"Yeah?" I said, pulling myself away from my thoughts.

"I still don't really know how exactly I feel about everything, but just know that I do care about you," he said.

I closed my eyes as this should have given me such a warm feeling. "I know."

We hung up and I put my phone on the side while I tried to get my thoughts to settle with and begin telling myself that I shouldn't overreact. Elliot was right. If I don't want to stay there because of how I feel then I can always come back home and try again another time. Find a different plan for my visits with Dad and hope he can understand. After a while, my mom came home and we put my things in the car. We soon started driving off to my dad's. I tried to distract myself by looking out the window and my mom was quiet with the radio on at a low volume. I'm sure she's nervous herself, but she won't tell me that. She never really tells me when she is worried unless we have our heartfelt conversations, but this is a different type of concern. We haven't seen each other since I was a small kid. She came back to my life when I was in a bed at a hospital. How did that make her feel?

I turned to her, "Mom, are you going to be okay being alone without me for two nights?" I asked.

She smiled softly, "I think I'll be fine." she said and glanced over at me. "Dinner without you will be lonely, but it'll go by fast and you'll be home again."

I tried to smile at her back to comfort her. "We're gonna have pizza right?"

She laughed, "I'm sure you'll only be eating pizza with your dad."

"Hey, I hear Lily is a good cook," I said. Lily is my dad's girlfriend; he started dating her a little before my 'accident' and I never really had a chance to get to know her, but she seems like a nice person.

"Well, you have to let me know," she said.