Wyatt's Point of View

I must be crazy! I must be out of my mind! Why did I do that to Aiden? My goodness! I got hard just by staring at his back and I even really pressed my manhood on his back, nothing is more embarrassing than that! Fuck!

Having done that, I decided to leave immediately without telling Aiden. I just left him a message so that when we meet at school he won't be angry with me. Argh, what kind of spirit entered my body earlier?

Well, this isn't the first time my beloved pet has lived because of Aiden. But this is the most embarrassing of all... or not? Aish! Whenever he is near me, I want to do nothing but hug him and kiss him. I'm going crazy! That's also one of the reasons why I've been avoiding him for the past few weeks. Because I don't know why my mind is like this and why I feel this way for him.

About what happened in the past when I got drunk and something happened between the two of us, I pretended that I didn't remember anything because I didn't know how to deal with him. How can I talk to him? I also don't want to hear what he has to say if I admit that I remember everything. That was my first time with a man and I bet that was his first, as well. But before that happened, I already looked up on the internet how both guys do those things. That's why it happened.

I don't know how things turned out this way. I don't know when I have feelings for him. I don't know when it started. I don't know why I only noticed this now that we are in college. We've been friends for a long time, so why do I just now have feelings for him? I'm confused. I can't accept my own feelings. I was afraid. I don't know how to face him. I don't know what face he would show me or how he would react once I told him about how I feel for him. That's why I decided to stay away from him.

I avoided him because I didn't want my feelings for him to get worse, but while I was doing that, it felt like I was slowly being killed. So in the end, I also gave up and went back to him. I gave up and admitted to myself my feelings for him. I never thought we would end up like this.

I lied to him that I had confessed to this man to see his reaction, if he was against such a thing or what he would say to me. But when I saw his reaction, the way he spoke, the way he avoided my eyes, the way he pushed me away, I felt like something was up. That I might have a chance with him, that I might have a chance to get him. But I didn't think that just by pushing him little by little, he would give in and we would end up like this.

I am the happiest person today. Damn. There shouldn't be anything more happy than me right now, okay? I should be the only one because Aiden and I are together now!

Yes, I'm happy because Aiden and I are together now, but I can't get close to him even if I want to. It's not because of the many people around us, it doesn't even matter to me because they're used to seeing us always close together. The only problem is, I might not be able to control myself once I get close to Aiden. I only get close to him when we are with Jacob, Yuan and Hans but if it's just us and other people he's not close to, I don't get close to him.

I continued to be like that until we reached 2 months. Every month we eat outside, but that's it. I am afraid to approach him, remember? Maybe later I'll eat him whole so it's better that I stop myself. I still sleep at his condo from time to time but that only happens when I'm with my friends, the three monkeys. When they go home, I will go home only then so I won't be left with Aiden, I don't want to surprise him because I don't want him to leave me. I only do forehead and cheek kisses, I can't do it on the lips because I might get addicted and I might not stop kissing his lips, and we might end up somewhere else. His lips are soft and really addicting to kiss.

As for my friends, they still don't know about the two of us. We haven't been told anything yet. No one knows about our relationship apart from the two of us. We still haven't talked about that. Well, I don't care if those three know about us or not. The only important thing for me right now is Aiden. I want to make him happy and I want more years with him. If it's possible, I hope we're really meant for each other.

Damn. I sounded like a man who is madly in love.

"Hey,"

I gulped. I'm here on the rooftop, I actually came here to wait for the three eggs who went to the comfort room, so we can eat together but why did Aiden come? We didn't talk about eating together today. And how did he know I was here?

"H-Hey," I greeted back. "What brought you here?"

He sat next to me. He opened his lunch box and the fragrant smell of his dish evaporated there.

"Why do you sound like you don't want me here?" He asked, while arranging his lunch.

I chuckled, "Do I? Sorry."

"It's okay," he looked at me. "Where's the three?"

"Ah..." I turned behind him to where the rooftop door was. When I didn't see anything there, I looked back at him, "They went to the comfort room, I'm just waiting for them here."

"Aren't you going to eat?" he asked. "What's your meal for lunch?"

"Uhm, Jacob and I planned to eat at the cafeteria so I didn't bring any food," I answered, still scratching my head.

"Let's share," he promised and brought his lunch box to me.

I immediately shook my head, "No, that's yours, we'll eat at the cafeteria. Go ahead."

He stared at me for a few seconds before speaking again, "Don't you like my dish? I cooked it, taste it, hmm?"

He poked a piece of meat from his dish using a fork and placed it on my lips. He smiled at me while waiting for me to open my mouth.

Damn, I don't want to see that smile, I might kiss him!

I immediately looked away. I grabbed his hand holding the fork and lowered it. I removed the meat he was feeding me from my lips.

"That's yours, you made it so you should eat it too," I said.

The smile on his lips immediately disappeared and his eyes dropped to his food, "Why?"

"Hmm?" I asked when I didn't understand what he meant.

"Don't you want to eat my cooking anymore?" He asked, while still staring at his food. "Since we go out, your time for me has been limited. Sometimes I feel like you're just forcing yourself to be with me. It seems like it was better when we were just friends, you spend more time with me, you're always next to me, and you're always in the condo," he raised his head and looked at me. My heart ached as a single tear fell from his eye. He sobbed, "Is it just infatuation that you felt for me? We've been in a relationship for 2 months but I never felt that you were happy with me. We've only been together once in a while but every time we're together I feel like you're pushing me, I feel like you don't want to be with me, and you are not happy with me. Wyatt... Should we continue this?"

Fuck. Fuck. Did he misunderstand my actions? Fuck.

I shook my head. Because of the fear that he might break up with me, I immediately pulled him to hug him tightly. I buried my face in his shoulder. I could feel his shoulders trembling because of his sobbing.

"I'm sorry," I began. "I didn't know that you could think of such things. I didn't know that I was hurting you because of my avoidance. I'm sorry. Damn, I'm sorry, babe. I only did it because... Ha, fuck. Because I'm afraid that I might hurt you. That I might force you to do something you don't want to do. And I don't want you to leave me because of that, I don't want to make a mistake because I'm afraid that you might leave me. Every time we get close, I can't help but think about dirty things. I know you won't be happy and you won't like it so I chose to avoid you a little bit. I'm sorry if you misinterpreted that. I love you, Aiden. Please, don't think that my feelings for you were just a mere infatuation. And please, don't ever think of ending our relationship because I won't ever agree."

"Damn, you," he pinched my chest. He hugged me back and cried to my chest. "Stop avoiding me! Damn it."

I nodded, "Okay. But I won't promise that I won't do anything to you."

"Who said I don't want to do any dirty things with you?" He mumbled.

"What?!" I broke away from hugging him and held both of his shoulders. I looked him in the eye, "So... Does that mean that you... You also want it?"

He averted his gaze. His face turned bright red.

Oh, he doesn't need to answer me anymore. His face answered it already.

I hugged him again, "I love you," I uttered and kissed his neck.

"...too."

"Hmm, what?"

"I said, I love you, too!"

I chuckled, "Yeah, I know."

Damn. Please, don't take him away from me. I don't want this adorable man to be far away from me.