Aiden's Point of View

From the beginning of the field trip until three days later I was not sleeping next to Wyatt. I know he is also wondering about my actions but what should I do? I'm not yet ready! I will never forget what he said, "Aiden, next time I want to put it in you." Gaah! What will I do? Shit. Shit.

I love him b-but that thing is... Damn! So far, what we do feels good. I kept thinking twice if we should do that thing. You know... His size is big, my hole is small, so how can that fit me, right? Just thinking about it, I know I'm going to get hurt. Haa... I really don't know what to do!

"Aiden?"

Knock! Knock! Knock!

"You were inside the bathroom for a while now, what were you doing?"

I probably don't need to say who's knocking, do I? Yes, that's Wyatt. He is here again at the condo and we are together again. Yes, just the two of us! I tried to invite Hans and the others to sleep here but Wyatt caught me and took back what I said. He told his friends that it was just a joke. Sigh...

What should I do now? What if he tries? If I push him, that would be rude, wouldn't it? Hmm... Maybe we can have an easy talk about that, right?

Knock! Knock!

"Aiden! Don't make me nervous! Are you sleeping in the bathtub again, huh!?" He asked and knocked loudly again.

I took a deep breath, "I'm going out! Just a moment!"

"Dinner's ready, hurry up," he replied.

I sighed before leaving the bathroom. I went straight to where Wyatt was and sat in front of him.

"Why aren't you here next to me? Your food is already here next to me," he asked when he noticed that I didn't sit next to him.

"I prefer it here so I can see your face while I'm eating," I answered then looked away.

I guess that's a good excuse, isn't it? It's believable, isn't it? Aish!

He sighed, "Did you think I didn't notice you avoiding me?" He leaned back on the chair and crossed his arms, "Did I do something wrong? You can tell me so you don't avoid me, and that way I can apologize to you."

I immediately shook my head, "Huh? Y-You didn't do anything wrong—"

I hadn't finished what I was going to say when he cut me off, "Then, what's the problem? Why are you avoiding me? How many days have passed since we went on a field trip? Did you think I didn't notice that you were avoiding me when we got there?"

I bit my lower lip. I feel guilty! The way he spoke, even his voice, you could feel that he was hurt.

Damn. Is this the time for us to talk about that? But we are in front of the dining table.

"Uhm..." I bowed my head and played with my fingers. Fuck it. I'm ashamed to say it!

"It's okay," he uttered. "Let's eat before the food gets cold."

We started eating. While eating we were silent and until we finished eating it was still like that. He didn't even glance at me even a glimpse while we were eating earlier.

I sat on the couch while he was washing up what we ate. I want to take it from him but I'm afraid. I’m afraid he won't pay attention to me and just treat me like a ghost.

After he washed he went straight to the room, soon he came out with his bag .

My eyes widened and I immediately stood up. Will he go home? But he said he will sleep here today.

He was close to the door when I chased after him and immediately stopped his hand that was about to touch the doorknob.

He turned to me with a frown, "What?"

Cold...

My grip on his hand tightened even more, causing him to look at it.

I bit my lower lip, "D-Don't leave..."

His brows furrowed even more. He looked up and closed his eyes. After a while, he looked at me again, "Damn, Aiden! You're the reason why I'm leaving, I'm the one who's hurt by what you're doing but why are you the one who’s crying?" He closed his eyes again, "Bullshit," he mumbled before I felt his arm wrapped around me. "You know my weakness very well. Ha, sorry."

In the end, he was the one to apologize.

Idiot! It was my fault. It was clearly my fault so why are you the one apologizing right now? Damn it!

°°°°

It's 10 PM but we're still awake. We both just looked at the ceiling while holding hands.

"So... What's the reason you're avoiding me? Aren't you going to tell me anyway?" He asked after a few hours of silence.

I thought I was safe but not yet. I still have to tell him the reason. Shit. Just thinking about what I'm going to say and I immediately feel embarrassed. What will I do? Can I just lie again?

"D-Do I still need to say it? We're okay now, aren't we?" I turned to him and held his hand tighter.

Please, tell me we're okay and I don't need to explain anymore!

"How will I know if you don't tell me? Do I look like a fortune teller, Aiden?" He looked at me for a moment before he looked back at the ceiling again, "Is this about what I said last time?"

"Huh?"

Wait, he has an idea?

He heaved a sigh, "Is this about what I said that next time I want to put it in you?" He turned to me, "Is that why you avoided me?"

I bit my bottom lip and immediately looked away from him. I just returned my gaze to the ceiling.

"It's not like that—"

He cut me off again, "You don't need to stay away from me just because of that. I'm not going to force you to do something you don't want. Do I look like that? Do you see me as a person like that?"

I shook my head, "No. I'm just scared. Because... What if it hurts?"

"Pfft~ seriously? Of course, it will hurt!" He giggled. "Don't worry, if you don't like that thing, it's okay with me."

I turned to him and saw a sweet smile on his lips.

Yes, he won't force me to do that. But I'm still scared. Not because he might change his mind, but he might find someone else.

I know Wyatt isn't like that, but people change too. What if the thing I fear happens? What if because I don't want something to happen to us, I lose him and destroy our relationship? I don't want that to happen.

I took a deep breath. I sat and looked at him, "Please, wait for me!" I held his hand even tighter, "Let's do it when I'm ready. Wait for me... Okay? You only have to do it with me, hmm, Wyatt?"

"Fuck," he covered his eyes using his right hand, "How could I wait if you're that cute? Aish, fine! I'll wait even if it takes us a hundred years. Come here," he pulled me and embraced me with his warm hugs.

"Wyatt..." I called him while my eyes were closed.

I don't know, I just lay down in his arms and I feel sleepy right away. Maybe because we didn't sleep for a few days together. And I can't deny that during those days I had trouble sleeping.

"Hmm?"

"Don't leave me. Stay with me," I mumbled.

"I won't. Never. So, please, do the same for me, hmm?" His hug tightened.

I nodded. I hugged him back and opened my eyes when something came across my mind, "Wyatt, what if the whole school finds out about us?"

"Hmm? Why do you think about things like that?"

Why did you answer me with a question, Wyatt? That disappointed me a little, did you know?

"I don't know, it just suddenly came to my mind," I answered. "What will you do when that happens?"

"Let's just sleep," he replied. "Don't think about unnecessary things. Just focus on our relationship, what's important is what we have right now. Let's think about that when that problem comes."

"Okay."

My answer is the opposite of what I felt that night. I wanted to get the answer that would reassure me that he will not leave me no matter what happens but I got something else. More and more fear enveloped my chest. Maybe... His answer will change if I ask him again in the future, right?

I want to hear from him that he won't leave me even if the whole world finds out, like how he didn't care when his friends found out about the two of us.

He had a point in his answer, but it didn't ease my fear that we would be separated.

"Good night, Aiden," he mumbled and kissed the top of my head.

"Good night," I responded and hugged him tightly.

Please, stay with me... Wyatt.